perso nella traduzione (Lost in translation)

In a world where it's either good or bad but mostly shades of grey, it makes you wonder. Where you really stand. More dark then light, more light then dark, more grey then color or just too lost to know which way to turn thus making you most lost.

Each doorway you step through, another closes and something else opens. Will you wander every pathway until you have no more options or just wait and see what tomorrow may bring. Will your contributions be enough to get you further into the grind of things.

These sort of things are what weighs most in my mind as I look out the window of the small house in the woods. Three women inhabit it each doing their own thing even if they all have a common bond. A gift, a talent, something that makes them special from the every day. Each drawn together and brought to this place by one of the ladies of the house. Perhaps she's a natural leader.

So insipid ramblings seems to be the mood of the day, so we'll just keep the line dance back and forth, left and write in this journal of mine. I don't like sharing what I think, I don't like people seeing what I feel. Perhaps instead of this astronomical one sided mess I should just introduce myself and start from there.

Hello, I'm Talisandra Isobella Alexandra DeMorales. I'm the youngest daughter of my family and I'm perhaps the prodigal black sheep. I chose to not follow the set plans and paths laid before me by the controlling masses that is my family. I am a female and as such family tradition demands you're married by 20 and continueing the family's bloodline and such establising stronger bonds through the world.

To put it bluntly, my family are a bunch of rich eletist snobs and so before you just close the book allow me to supplicate myself and say, I am NOT like my family. All my sisters are working on baby number I lost count. My brothers are trained, professionals that in europe are considered quite the catches. And then there is me, I never quite fit the mold established for that family.

I was too smart, too fast and too determined to not be like everyone else. While my sisters and brothers all graduated with honors, I was already in college learning Medicine. Not that my father had any intentions of letting me use it. It just suited him to play up having a prodigy for a child. A child that was graduated from high school by age 12, and had a masters and phd by 18. So, why am I in New Raven City and more so why was I in Ravenhurst?

Unlike my sisters, when introduced to my arrainged afiance, I hauled ass away. I emptied all my accounts and left Italy. Address unknown and took the first plane. I didn't pack, I left with my important documents and that was that. I wasn't until I landed in Seatle did the reality of what I had done came crashing down. Sure I could get a job anywhere, I had the intelligence for it. But that would alert my father that my presence. So I had to take a step down and find something and fast.

What I found was perhaps love, perhaps just plain luck. Never the less, I was walking through a mall, I noticed a woman with soft brown hair, vivid green eyes holding a little girl that stole my heart. Well I can't say it was the little girl, perhaps it was the mother. Who knew honestly, I came up and talked to the woman and the little girl. She seemed nervous, perhaps even distrusting at first but the more we talked and the more I played with the little girl. The woman seemed to ease around me.

A few moments turned to a few hours as we walked the store as she got things for the little one. I used some money as I refused to use credit cards and bought some clothing and a few books. As the woman went to leave she asked where I was staying, I named off a hotel I'd seen in passing and the woman made a face. "Bad place. Know anything about kids?" I tilted my head, "I actually know more then I'd care to say."

The woman thought a few moments, "I could use a nanny if you want the job. I can't pay much, more just a room at my place and company." That was honestly what I needed most, I was utterly drawn to the woman, her mannerisms, her movements, the little girl that just kept stealing my eyes and smiles. "Sure , I can show you I have cpr certification." I could have shown her a lot more actually, but I did show her the bare minimums.

"Your name is a bit of a mouthful, any nick names?" "My grandmother called me Tali." "Tali it is, let's get going, something tells me there is an intresting path ahead of you."

We left the mall and went to her apartment. Once we entered I noticed some odd things, things out of a dream of mine, a dream I didn't dare speak for my father believing the words of rome and catholic and all that's holy. It would have been met very badly. "May I ask your name, Miss?"

"Blaise."

When you are starting over, days and weeks sort of blend at the same time they drag on for eternity. As I got settled in my new job and new home. It was hard at times to not stumble and start talking in my native language, italian. Lost in translation is how I'd put myself most the time as I sarted learning about the little charge I had. At times blaise headed off and took boat rides across the bay to a town called Ravenhurst and talked of a sister, Lexie she believed was the woman's name.

At times it seemed there was the usual sibling rivalry as well as a menagerie of other motions and feelings. It was hard to picture and understand what it was that went on but the little one kept my attention, I looked forward to when Blaise returned as well.

Over time, the dreams that had haunted me as a child caught up with me. The jetlag faded and was replaced with things, I could never understand. Grandmama had once told me that I always seem to keep taking more on so not to deal with what's really bothering me. That I chase things to keep my mind off things so when I went to bed I was too exhausted to dream.

I can't fault her logic, it does feel that way as well when I dream it's never a good thing, it's troubling, dark almost like warnings from something or someone else. I couldn't confide because I'd learned early on that, well talking was a bad thing. Once father took us to a function and another girl my age was there. We'd talked and then my hand started cramping as if I'd just sat on it. So I'd gone off to be by myself. A pen was found along with a napkin.

Dreams in daylight, I started sketching, art had always been a passion but one that I was not permitted to dabble in as father disapproved of it. It was a fun past time, but not a useable source of entertainment or employment. Stick to medicine. That was father for you, still as I sketched, the drawing took on a life that excited and terrorfied me all in one.

The girl from before in a old fashioned high necked night gown floating in a pond. I'd gone to her, warned her to stay away from water. I'd had a .. dream... That's all I could describe it. Father and her father overheard and thought I was having an episode. I was sent to a therapist the very next day, a week later, the girl had gone missing and was found in a lake a few miles away. The picture in the paper, matched the sketch and father called me a freak.

That's how I view myself, I am a freak that sometimes sees things that I shouldn't be seeing. Something that isn't right. There were more 'episodes' as my father called them and I was put on strong medication that would sedate me for days after I had such events. Father prefered to keep me home and despite my work, he started pushing for marriage, that was another reason why I'd departed. Yes my all over ramblings probably makes it hard to grasp where I'm at.

Dreams in daylight, I was having them again in Seattle. First I had a dream that a girl down the street would fall and hurt herself. She broke her leg. I had dreams of strange circles, woven ever so intricately for weeks. But how would I explain this to my roomate and lover. Simple, I couldn't. So despite growing rather fond, I even fell in love with my charismatic at times cold and remote hostess. I loved her though she told me love was impossible for one such as her.

I don't understand it, and didn't then either but it is what it is. Still sometimes we'd all go out and do things, one of those trips out we went to a club and met a remarkable and eccentrically beautiful personality. She went by the name of Moxxie and well we all sort of just stuck together like bee's in a honeycomb. Chatting, talking and just hanging out. It felt good to have friends, so very much so when Blaise proposed we all head to Ravenhurst one day who were we to refuse.

Stepping off the boat in Ravenhurst however was an entirely different matter. It was like a deja vu sense that wouldn't leave, it grew and spread like wild fire. Burning and scalding my mind as I looked around. The place was as though I'd always known it. Perplexed and dragging a note pad out of my purse like I always had anyways, I started wandering off. And that's when they started falling into place.

circles.

The strange markings, whispered words that seemed to lead me from one place to another. Into streams that left me saturated for hours, to the forest where I got chased by a wolf. Let's say I wasn't amused that much. To a light house where graveyard was near. A strange man that made my hand burn as if I'd decided to fish a french fry out of a deep fryer without a glove. Oh mama did it hurt in his presence. Still we stayed in ravenhurst and I would leave to go care for blaise's daughter when her aunts didn't have the little darling.

Dreams in Daylight, translated to paper. Blaise told me , that she'd always known I as something, and even told me what it was. Warnings what to watch for, to be careful. Sometimes I'd get vicious urges to draw so I always keep a sketch pad at hand. Mirrors that reflected two sides.. A person that stands before me on one side, the other side.. something... yes SOMETHING else.

Women that stood in the moonlight wearing medival dresses, with long eye teeth and piercing dark eyes, men that chased the moon. They were haunting me, confusing and tearing me.

And then Blaise's sister went missing and my love changed. She grew colder, distant and then she stopped talking all together. The weather grew bad around ravenhurst so she asked me to keep her daughter in seattle and stay there.

I was homesick, so I took the little loved one on a vacation. We went back to italy where my father was, he'd thought the little one was mine. I explained I was baby sitting when he started the old things. The names of Freak, demanding I marry whom he chose for me. To give up career, the kid and go back where I belonged. He'd hired people to take the child away from me and dump her in an american embasy. As you can imagine, that hadn't gone well.

During my time, I used my father's resources to well gather resources. Tomes and articles, books and journals that were centuries old about olden ways. The ways of the pagans, of spells, of magic, of crafts and women before the burning times.Of the stars, charts, runes and crystals. Candles and magic, healing and the dark arts. If it had anything to do with magic, I had to have it.

I hid my aquisitions from my father, alas he searched my room and locked me and the child in. I would never tell blaise he tried to starve us to make me give in. She'd never forgive me, I didn't know but still. In the end, we escaped through means we won't go into.

Books locked in a chest that with clumsy magic I employed basic simple wards that would repell anyone but someone of my blood out of the chest as I shipped it to seattle. I was keeping track of things. I watched as Ravenhurst sunk into the sea destroyed. Reports of murder, death, darkness and fires. Seattle evacuating and shipping people to Michigan.

Disguised and carefully, the child and I left europe and met up with Blaise's aunts in Washington. And though it broke my heart, I gave up my little charge to them. They were VERY unhappy with my love but in the end they confided they would keep things safe. To go to Michigan and meet up with the others. They strengthened the wards on my trunk of books. Finding my resources rather well intresting and it might help they murmured. In the end I headed of too.

So much chaos, so many bad dreams.Would sunlight ever again grace the path I walk?