Eternity of Pain and Shame.

It's been a week and four days since the last gaze of those blue eyes that I did enjoy so well. The touch and feel of the gentle sweet tone of the caged song bird's voice. All that remains is the final words of farewell that she passed on, on the day that this unlife became undone.I can still see her smile and the feel of her last touch of the soft hand on my face before I wake to a bed that now has empty space. The choices I made that night and even the one that lead to this eternal gift and solo existance play over and over again in my mind of unrest. Regret, Shame, and Pain, the feelings that continuiously fight for my attention as I sit in this appartment writing these words. And to make things stack upon one another to the point of collapse is the one that I now refer to as my mother, the one that still supports the murdering mad hatter. Though I understand her reasons well after the traditions she explained to me, I still don't see how she doesn't hold atleast something against him. That reminds me, I really should apologize for that I said to her the other night when I see her next, though I could use the volkin mind meld to do it now, I'd rather say it in person. I still stand by my opinion on the matter that caused it, but I shouldn't have taken those feelings tied with it and lash out at her. I also should fine out who to talk to about replacing the chairs that got damaged in our small altercation. That bit of show though did remind me that even though mother looks small and fragile, she still has the strength that could make the Hulk probably lose in an fight.
Speaking of furniture, I also should see about finding better sleeping arrangements for the one that made herself at him on my couch when I returned from seattle after my few days of secusions. Ont that has rather bad timing on deciding to come visit a friend only to find out that she is no longer in exsistance to be friends with. Anyways, she is interesting girl and starting to notice a pattern after meeting her in the crowd that the late nightingale chose to be around. Damsel, the new girl's name, is a little bombshell with a sailor's tongue. Then there is the evesdropper that is supposely the ex of the nighitngale and a thief. And ofcourse there would be me, the mortal fighter turned into the blood of true fighters by the gift of mother's breed. It seems the late nightingale with her being cute and cuddley self surrounded herself with brutes and bullies. But that random observation aside, back to the current 'roommate' who from what I've seen is the south to the nightingale's north. Though the two have slight simularities atleast around me. They both mentioned the alluring scent that I apparently give off. And lets just say, I maybe suffering from the confusing emotions of losing my beloved and the purpose of why I am now a child of the dark, but it was damn tempting to taste her life the other night when she came in drunk, literally falling though the door into the appartment and having to be helped to where she would sleep.
Besides dealing with the new roommate, there is something else to mention. The other night I was heading to talk to my 'aunt' in this new world to let her know of the happenings that had transpired with her favorite niece and the mad hatter's request to everyone that attented the gathering that mother and I give a bit of entertainment. It turns out though that my aunt has moved, not sure to were and can't really say I am surprised with what I was going to tell her. The new occupent though of her house turns out to be a bit of a quick to judge character, and a furry at that. We had a bit of a snip fest before it turned into a casual conversation in which she offered me to join her inside. I should bring her a bottle of frebrez next time I go since I'm sure she hated that smell that I left of death since she mentioned that she hated it in snipfest. Anyways, we had a nice conversation, which is rare from what I can tell lately from what the talk that was heard at the gathering few nights before. She's rather interesting if what she said was true about having attempts by others like me trying to sample her, though with the reaction and easy accessible blade she had drawn when I tested her words, I can see how she has evaded them so far. It was rather relaxing to talk to someone who isn't one of the kind I now belong to and just talk like we were normal even if the conversation topic isn't what mortals would consider normal. There isn't really much more to that night though, just making a new aquintance that if it continues could be a good friend unless someone does something stupid to cause a problem between the biters and the growlers. Well that is it for now, Till the next time I feel like writing, maybe then I will have less depressing words to help bring back memories of this life later on.