Heading Home for a week

I don’t know what to do how to handle it all. I have been trying to hold it together, I keep my focus on pretending that everything was alright, but ever since I felt Naz’s pain, that desire to end it all, my mind hasn’t been able to rest. I haven’t even let Blaise know how bad it things have gotten. How can I? She is about to have a baby and the stress of that alone driving her a bit crazy. I was smoking weed, seems to be one of the few things that stifles others people emotions that keep invading my mind but then stopped as the old man kept getting on to me about it. I don’t blame Skip, it wasn’t like I was being totally honest with him either on how draining it all was. He thought I was becoming a junkie or something. If he hadn’t been so persistent, I wouldn’t have realized how dependent on the weed I was coming. For a few days I was never sober. The struggle of trying to know what is your own thoughts and that of someone else’s is something I wouldn’t even wish on my worst enemy. I talked to the Aunts about it. Alysse insisting that meditating and the proper blend of aromas and teas would help. While Kit was really pushing for me to get Blaise to put a ward around me till I could handle things better. I don’t think any of that will help, I just need time.
I arrived in Ravenhurst a little over a year ago. It was suppose to be a quick little graduation present from my big sis. I should be teaching second graders in some little boring community back. Magic being a distance past, but no, I don’t get that I am forced to follow the same legacy as my family before. The one thing about my family I hate the most. Magic took my mother and father from me. I didn’t even get to know them and why? Because some fucking witch over a hundred years ago gave up on love and cursed us all for wanting it in our lives? Is this my destiny to always be worrying about other supernatural, worrying if my friends or those random people around me are alright. I spend my time in Ravenhurst now, seeking out those that have just found their powers, helping them, training them. Some of them want to work, want to learn others once they realize there is a chance they may have a little magic want it all and fast. I don’t think they understand the responsibility one must hold as a witch or even really believe that they are still in danger from those that aren’t human. We don’t get mask or capes we aren’t superheroes that all of a sudden become unstoppable. They don’t understand that it takes time a practice but still they want something instant and then how did I end up being the one to have to help train these people to try and show them the way it is suppose to be. They don’t seem to understand what they are given up for a little bit of power, the chance for a normal life, falling in love or having a family. That they may have to spend their lives from those that find what we do is wrong or those that just want us dead. I would love to have that chance, a life with no magic, where I fall in love and have children. It isn’t the fact that I can’t have one but I won’t be able to share that with someone. For me to fall in love would only end in heartache and pain. I look at my life now, the things I had wanted as a child a faded dream, the longer I live this life, the more it demands from me. Feeling the emotions of others, their pain, the hurt that I already know is out there. And now I have ghost hopping in my body, sending out their own messages through my art, the one thing that I could still claim mine, my art. The calm I felt when I could sit alone painting or sketching. It was time to find some peace. Some relief as I focused on whatever picture is in my head. Then it came, it hopped in and took that away. I had seen it happen to my Aunt Alysse many times but she is a spiritualist. She calls the spirits to her, I think she actually enjoys talking to them even more than to some people that are alive. I am not her. I don’t want to be her. I don’t want this. I am writing this journal entry from a plane as I am flying back home for a week. Skip tried to help, I was glad he saw it happen but I need more help. I have to regain some control in my life. I am afraid if I don’t…..
Enough of that as Kit says I should really always turn my lemons into lemonade and not bitch at how hard life can be. “take a shot of tequila Lex and suck it up” is what I think she said although it was after a few times dancing around the kitchen counter top that night. Not that it really matters she is right. I need to get myself together. So I am heading back to the two people that drive me insane but I are probably the best shot I have at learning how to control all of this. A break, well if that is what you call it not sure how much a break seeing the aunts will be but I just hope they can help.
As I sit here and write my random out of nowhere journal entry. I have met a few new people. Vern, although he doesn’t know it has become a welcome distraction. He is older and handsome, not old like the old man and certainly not as wrinkly but when I do see him from time to time. He does manage to keep my focus on other interest. It is very casual and just an every now and then thing but it is really what I need.
Then there is an asain man, well that vampire. I can’t seem to get him out of my head. All I did was speak with him one time and now I just can’t seem to get him out of my mind. I want to see him again. I find it comical now that was trying to avoid the club, that the club was a dangerous place to be, but now I don’t even think about that. I just want to see him again. I have had my up and down with the vampires that I have met. There was Jared. There was something about him but when he asked me to be his, I had to refuse. There is Remi, the insane vampire that has tried to killed me and then comes to me for help. There is Keliah. We were friends, well I suppose we still are but she is a vampire and she allowed Remi to expose our shop as a witches store to wolves. It wasn’t her fault but it made me question in how much can I trust any of them. I have grown up learning the dangers of the vampires. I have to rethink how much we can allow them in. But at the same time I write this my thoughts drift towards, Jubei and seeing him once again. There is the fasten seatbelt warning bell. I suppose I should get ready to brace myself for a week of overbearing and smothering Aunts. I will have to forge on, make the best of what I can, learn from them. I mean it is not like a trip home is going to be like a week a Disneyworld.